Thursday, February 24, 2011

I'm fat, lazy, broke, self-centered and short tempered.

Don't think that I am bashing myself, I'm just laying out my short comings that I want to change. I know there are other faults I have, but these are the big ones. (If you have other things you want to see me change, keep them to yourself until I've gotten these under control :) ). I also know that for each fault, I have two more positive personality traits. I know I am a good person, I'm just trying to make myself a better person!!!

So I guess it's time to set my goals. After starting this last night, I lay awake for about an hour. I kept thinking about what I really wanted to accomplish. So time to make myself truly accountable.

1. Lose weight. I've always been a "big girl" (or as my friend says - I'm "juicy"), but it has gotten ridiculous. My senior year of high school, when I graduated, I weighed 124 pounds and was a size 2. (For those of you who didn't know me in school, that was a short term thing - I was about 175 pounds and a size 14 most of my high school years). Now, this was WAY TOO SMALL! But, I'm using this as a reminder that I have lost lots of weight before and can do it again. I don't want to be that small again, but I want to be "skinny" again. I had so much more energy. So here we go, going to lay it out there. I am now a full person bigger than my graduating weight - 279 pounds. (Please know this is very embarrassing for me, but I'm laying it out there in hopes of keeping myself accountable. No lying about it!)
So now that I've put it out there, it's time to make some changes. My weight loss goals are tiered. The first goal? To lose 15-20 lbs in the next 6 weeks - by 4/6 to be exact. I think I can do this. That's approximately 3 pounds a week. Then after that, I have a 6 month goal of 40 lbs. My end goal is 155 lbs. But to be honest, anything under 200 and a size 14 or smaller will make me happy.

2. Work. I have a new found energy for work since my suspension was lifted. But I don't want to get lazy again. I have a goal of 35 articles a week - or 7 a day. That will allow me to pay our bills and have fun money and grocery shop and do my couponing and still put some in savings. But I think if I keep a tracker for the days work will make sure I don't get lazy.

3. Debt. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I don't expect to ever be loaded, but I want to feel comfortable. I want to know that if something else goes wrong I won't be back at square one, struggling to figure out how to feed my family and diaper my kids. So, my financial goal is to put a minimum of $200.00 a month into savings. I want to pay off one credit card or other debt (loans, medical bills, etc), every 4 months. My first one I have on the plate only has $350.00 left to pay off...So I think this one is doable. To meet my goals, I need to follow through on the working thing. And stick to the budget I made. And in the process, enjoy my couponing!

4. Looking outward. This is an on-going struggle. I find that I focus on my needs a lot and forget about those around me. This is something I think I've improved on over the last few years, but I want it to get even better. This goes for my family and my friends, too. This means, putting the computer down and playing with Chloe when she asks or forgetting about my daily stress and listening to someone else's instead of just complaining. This isn't to say I'm giving up on me and my needs, but I'm going to try and prioritize when my needs are more important and when they're not.

5. Patience. This one is huge and probably my hardest. Chloe didn't really go through a terrible twos. But she's become a heathen the last few months. She's still so sweet and smart and loving, but she does not listen. She tells us what to do and then yells when we don't do it. Basically she's become super spoiled. I know this is my fault. I've been too easy on her because "she's just a baby/toddler/little girl". Well, now I'm paying the price and so is she in turn. I'm yelling all the time. I guess yelling isn't the right word. I'm getting after her. And I end up so frustrated . It breaks my heart when she looks at me and says, "Mommy. Am I making you frustrated?" She sees and understands my emotions now. So, along with working to teach her discipline (in a constructive way) I am going to work on being patient. She is who she is, yes. But part of that is who I've helped make her. So accountability time! I need to do my part to help make her a better person and control my emotions.

That's it. Simple goals, but I think together they're all going to make me a better person in the end. So hopefully in one year, I'll be a new person (or at least well on the road!)

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